Warning: Possible Goth Triggers
What you doing this weekend?
Me: Probably just spend some quality time with the three Daves.
Me: Vanian, Gahan, and Bowie?
Coworker: Ooooohhh!
Me: Yeah, you get it!
Coworker: No, no. I was just remembering to not talk to you.
Am I Robert Smith? I did say I just bought my FIRST can of hairspray, didn't I? Perhaps yo think I just stepped out of a time machine. You poor, confused dear. You should read more!

1) Yes, Robert Smith is a timelord; I thought this was common knowledge.

2) He hasn’t used hairspray in the past, you sillypants! He used his own tears; now for sale at fine retailers everywhere.

gif by: Damaris Martin’s (narutogal09) inspired by The Mighty Boosh

I just bought my very first can of hairspray. You've lost me.

Hairspray is great for the hyper-highlighted businesswoman hedgehog cut or any number of frosted dudebro styles!

Ok if you purchased a gallon we need an immediate intervention. For location purposes; are you Robert Smith?

You hear that?Stop trying to be awesome!

You hear that?

Stop trying to be awesome!

They walk amongst us


They’re out there, walking amongst us. Breathing our air. They look like us; talk like us. They may be your friend, your lover. Your family. They smile as you smile and drink coffee and eat bagels, as you may well do. They go to your gym or your school, you may work with them. You may have accidentally married one of them. But do not be fooled. They are not like us. But they are not like you, they are not like me.

They are people who don’t like David Bowie.

Guys, have you HEARD Bon Jovi?!

I work in a Srs Business Anti-Goth environment but lately I've found myself rambling about how many tarantulas I own or more I want to get, bats, lizards, I wear black & thick boots in warm weather, I may have multicolored hair, and I have a black skull on my desk. I'm... I'm still just a kooky eccentric, right? Right?!

Bats and lizards and other things that go bump in the night?! That sounds creepy-kooky and altogether spooky!

I’m glad you work in a healthy non-goth environment, now you need to engage the frantic race to be on top of trends; which don’t stop at clothing, hair and makeup anymore!

Get on the new fad diet, workout, app, fb game, celebrity to hate, celebrity to pity, minority conspiracy to dread, flame war to take a stance on and body part to hate!

Come on in the waters fine!

Goth problems


Having a family friend demand that you never name a child “Raven.”

(Or Lenore, Vlad, Bela, Edgar, and Onyx…)

One day Draven might be screaming at YOU that it’s their life in front of sports posters wearing brightly colored clothes while bubblegum pop plays in the background before they slam the door in YOUR face.


"Oh my god, I’m turning into—a vampire!”

"But how? I didn’t even bite you yet!"

Premature edraculation

Evil Queen Outfit Appreciation


heh heh heh …

Found my minions.

A young Trent Reznor takes this way too seriously.

Sounds like the subliminal messages have started working. Phase 1: enter dreams Phase 2: change habits Phase 3: do what we do every night; try to take over the world!