I was playing a live video of Peter Murphy singing "His Circle and Hers Meet" (help), when suddenly my kitten runs up to my tablet and stares at the video wistfully... I'm too weak to save him on my own, help me save him before it's too late!
Unfortunately, I just don’t think I can help cats.
You have a cat; have YOU ever tried to get it to do anything? To even go outside when it JUST spent 15 minutes crying at you and clawing your leg to go out?
Like, your only asking the damn cat to do what IT said IT wanted to. But don’t you close that door and take one step away because the crying starting the second your foot hits the floor.
It’s best not to have a cat, I’m afraid. Check out my Gothicats collection to see why.
Someone referred to me as a goth the other day but I'm a riviethead I spent at least 30 minutes in broad daylight yelling at them about the difference in my trenchcoat & stompy boots oh god I think I'm relapsing halp
Holy shit, I’ve never had a rivethead ask me for help before! I had kind of given up on the idea of rehabilitating rivetheads; sounds like walking a cat.
Goths are so sweet and mopey inside you can gentle push them along; “Come on, come on, you can do it, come on now…”
"Meh, /sigh/… ok, ::murmer murmer::"
Rivetheads tend to be more like, “RAH FUCK YOU!” ::throws vase::
I just don’t have the years of experience needed, but I’ve heard you should move to the American West Coast, embracing as much of the beach-bum, all natural, organic, non-GMO, locally fairly harvested, Zen, feng shui, yoga, detox, non-harshing-of-mellows lifestyle as possible.
Stay away from cities, relax, zone, out and go all natural. Soon you won’t know who you are, and you might not care.
The transition might be painful though; metal, leather, and black aren’t comfortable in the sun and sand and you’ll need loads of sunscreen. Your clothes will also be so much lighter than your used to that you’re equilibrium will be off and you’ll go flying off staircases and running into walls until you adjust.
I feel sad because I don't quite get all of the goth band jokes made here. More chance of recovery, though, at least. Also, are you an ex-goth?
Now you know some bands to never check out! See how that works?
I’m actually thinking of making lists of books, movies, and bands to avoid (like my Dangerous Blogs list).
Yes, I am a fully-recovered ex-Goth and so can you!
Well, herp fucking derp, another anti-be-yourself-live-free-honk-honk-booboo-nana. I'm happy thank you very much and THANKS FOR THE COMPLIMENT HITLER.
Hmm, for someone who’s “happy” you sound pretty pissed off. I know it hurts when someone holds up a mirror, and you don’t like what you see but, I’m only trying to help you fix you.
Pro tip: when you’re unhappy with something in your life, ie the truth of your awful Gothiness, it’s more trendy to thank Obama, not Hitler.
I can understand your confusion, but I think five things will clear it up.
- Goths aren’t actually as homogeneous as they pretend, and no where near as uniform as people think. We tend to think every Goth looks like Andrew Eldritch and Patricia Morrison and only listen to the same Gothic bands, but that’s just not the case. Many Goths like artists as diverse as: Nina Simone, Billie Holiday, John Coltrane, Johnny Cash, Hank Williams III, Hank Williams, Lucinda Williams, Tom Waits, Leonard Cohen, The Beatles, The Doors, Slayer, Iron Maiden, Nine Inch Nails, Depeche Mode, Kraftwerk, Duran Duran, Billy Idol, even old school hip hop like Run DMC, The Sugarhill Gang, and Grandmasterflash. (Oh ho! Did I let your secret out with that last one?)
- Goths are passionate about the sublime. Usually an individual will fall more strongly into the either the “fashion” or “music” camp, and that causes some… tension now and then, but be it music, fashion, fine art, literature, movies, etc. Goths want to be transported by their art. They’re nerds, that’s what I’m trying to say. So when they like music they will end up exploring all the artists and genres they can, even if they have 10 favorite artists always on their ipod or in their car. You see how Bowie would make Goths happy then, right? He’s all over music, fashion, and acting. He’s always evolving and challenging his fans, giving them a new fantastic world to lose themselves in. He draws from more diverse sources than most of us mere mortals could hope to understand. He slips into the underground, the past, far corners of world, puts his collection in a witch’s brew and pulls out a pop album.
- Labyrinth. Dude, DUDE, Labyrinth.
- He really speaks to outsiders. He’s this mix of shockrocker, folk singer, and diva that says. “Fuck those people who try to bring you down, they’re just the product of a cruel world; jealous of your shining uniqueness in a dull sea of boring.”
- He’s DAVID BOWIE.
Sounds like a carrier to me. Also known as Day-walkers, DemiGoths, or the Un-undead, carriers can slip in and out of normal society and Gothic hordes.
They won’t harm the general population, but if they come into contact with a person who is already susceptible to the Gothic plague; its like being hit with 100 Goth triggers at once.
Famous carriers include: David Gahan, David Bowie, Danny Elfman, John Waters, Anne Rice- you get the idea.
You should stay far away and contact your local authorities, who will hopefully put this poor Typhoid Scary in quarantine.
As in: you’re getting sick of the kids now-a-days? That tends to happen no matter how hardcore-cutting-edge and open-minded you once were.
(may not be representative of their actual opinions… at all)
Its not so much a difference of taste or opinion that gets to us older folk, its what seems like a blatant disregard for what we hold most dear by kids professing to be experts on the subject. Unfortunately, its part of the circle of life.
Kids have the right to make the same type of mistakes we made and we have earned the right to bitch about it; just as those who came before us bitched at us for our trespasses… or is it debts?
Wait, what denomination is this again?
Just try to laugh at them and yourself or you’ll go crazy. You know, more so.
Yeah, that’s the spirit!
Everyone who has sent me (very sweet) PMs saying that they’re in love with me thinks I’m either overratedthought or stunthusband.
I am neither of those stellar people. Not even close.
It’s flattering for me, but so so disappointing for everyone else.
How does one become infected with this Gothic plague?
Its something inherent in certain people; perhaps 1% of the population, if that.
However, it can lay dormant until triggered, and once manifested, with lots of joyless hard work, people can recover but never be cured. Relapses may occur, which is why Goth triggers are to be identified and avoided.
I've been diagnosed as a Deathrocker. Is it fatal?
It is much more serious than your average Joe and Jane Nightraven; I think the only thing more fatal is being a Glam Rocker… like one of the four left on the planet who aren’t David Bowie.
You need to get one of those dumpsters your local sanitation department loans out and takes away and fill it with the following:
ALL OF YOUR
- needles, thread, that tomato looking pin cushion
- safety pins (yes, those your various body parts count)
- boots, all the boots
- jean and leather jackets
- anything and everything with tears in it. Even the couch.
- tights - of any kind
- burn the fishnets, and stand back as vapors of Johnny Slut may arise
- this may be the hardest part so be strong: ALL OF YOUR HAIR PRODUCT. I know that’s harsh, but this is a matter of life or undeath. The glue too.
You may need to go into hair product withdrawl, and be rehabilitated to learn to live with hair that moves again.
The first time a breeze runs through rehabilitated hair, its common for former Deathrockers to start screaming about spiders on their skull and start pulling their hair out or setting things on fire. That’s basically how Prodigy started.
Hey, honestly, we both know even joining a band like that would be a huge first step for you.
One day at a time.
Excuse me, but I find this site HIGHLY offensive. As an ultra super goth but not-goth goth, we do not enjoy having our srs bsnss culture treated as if it were some sort of disease. CONFORMIST! You just don't understand what it's like! *HISSSSSSS* Hey other anon: You're goth and that's okay. The first step is admitting it. GOTHS, LISTEN TO ME: Do not hang up your fishnets! Lace up those corsets once more! I declare war against the intolerance of GT! Brood with pride, my dark ravens or whatever!
NO, no, noooooooooooo, nononono NO!
Do not listen to this anon! Move along everyone and only listen to me!
Everything is fine, don’t start thinking or questioning things… that’s how you know you’re really sick, see?
Let’s all just watch some Honey Boo Boo until we’re excited about sweatpants and fried chicken! Come on!! :D
So apparently there is a ‘gothic recovery’ tumblr page…
Wait what? Why..how…I was not aware that being goth was a disease.
Too few people are.
I can only vainly hope this was about me, and yes, I’m always taking patients.