Fair question!

I can understand your confusion, but I think five things will clear it up.

1. Goths aren’t actually as homogeneous as they pretend, and no where near as uniform as people think. We tend to think every Goth looks like Andrew Eldritch and Patricia Morrison and only listen to the same Gothic bands, but that’s just not the case. Many Goths like artists as diverse as: Nina Simone, Billie Holiday, John Coltrane, Johnny Cash, Hank Williams III, Hank Williams, Lucinda Williams, Tom Waits, Leonard Cohen, The Beatles, The Doors, Slayer, Iron Maiden, Nine Inch Nails, Depeche Mode, Kraftwerk, Duran Duran, Billy Idol, even old school hip hop like Run DMC, The Sugarhill Gang, and Grandmasterflash. (Oh ho! Did I let your secret out with that last one?)
2.  Goths are passionate about the sublime. Usually an individual will fall more strongly into the either the “fashion” or “music” camp, and that causes some… tension now and then, but be it music, fashion, fine art, literature, movies, etc. Goths want to be transported by their art. They’re nerds, that’s what I’m trying to say. So when they like music they will end up exploring all the artists and genres they can, even if they have 10 favorite artists always on their ipod or in their car. You see how Bowie would make Goths happy then, right? He’s all over music, fashion, and acting. He’s always evolving and challenging his fans, giving them a new fantastic world to lose themselves in. He draws from more diverse sources than most of us mere mortals could hope to understand. He slips into the underground, the past, far corners of world, puts his collection in a witch’s brew and pulls out a pop album.
3. Labyrinth. Dude, DUDE, Labyrinth.
4. He really speaks to outsiders. He’s this mix of shockrocker, folk singer, and diva that says. “Fuck those people who try to bring you down, they’re just the product of a cruel world; jealous of your shining uniqueness in a dull sea of boring.”
5. He’s DAVID BOWIE.

Good question!!

Sounds like a carrier to me. Also known as Day-walkers, DemiGoths, or the Un-undead, carriers can slip in and out of normal society and Gothic hordes.

They won’t harm the general population, but if they come into contact with a person who is already susceptible to the Gothic plague; its like being hit with 100 Goth triggers at once.

Famous carriers include: David Gahan, David Bowie, Danny Elfman, John Waters,  Anne Rice- you get the idea.

You should stay far away and contact your local authorities, who will hopefully put this poor Typhoid Scary in quarantine.

Oh no!

As in: you’re getting sick of the kids now-a-days? That tends to happen no matter how hardcore-cutting-edge and open-minded you once were.

(may not be representative of their actual opinions… at all)

Its not so much a difference of taste or opinion that gets to us older folk, its what seems like a blatant disregard for what we hold most dear by kids professing to be experts on the subject. Unfortunately, its part of the circle of life.

Rrr, yeah.

Kids have the right to make the same type of mistakes we made and we have earned the right to bitch about it; just as those who came before us bitched at us for our trespasses… or is it debts?  

Wait, what denomination is this again?

Just try to laugh at them and yourself or you’ll go crazy. You know, more so.

Yeah, that’s the spirit!

Everyone who has sent me (very sweet) PMs saying that they’re in love with me thinks I’m either overratedthought or stunthusband. 

I am neither of those stellar people. Not even close.

It’s flattering for me, but so so disappointing for everyone else. 

Good question!

Its something inherent in certain people; perhaps 1% of the population, if that.

However, it can lay dormant until triggered, and once manifested, with lots of joyless hard work, people can recover but never be cured. Relapses may occur, which is why Goth triggers are to be identified and avoided.

Possibly.

It is much more serious than your average Joe and Jane Nightraven; I think the only thing more fatal is being a Glam Rocker… like one of the four left on the planet who aren’t David Bowie.

You need to get one of those dumpsters your local sanitation department loans out and takes away and fill it with the following:

ALL OF YOUR

• patches
• needles, thread, that tomato looking pin cushion
• safety pins (yes, those your various body parts count)
• boots, all the boots
• jean and leather jackets
• anything and everything with tears in it. Even the couch.
• tights - of any kind
• burn the fishnets, and stand back as vapors of Johnny Slut may arise
• this may be the hardest part so be strong: ALL OF YOUR HAIR PRODUCT. I know that’s harsh, but this is a matter of life or undeath. The glue too. 

You may need to go into hair product withdrawl, and be rehabilitated to learn to live with hair that moves again.

The first time a breeze runs through rehabilitated hair, its common for former Deathrockers to start screaming about spiders on their skull and start pulling their hair out or setting things on fire. That’s basically how Prodigy started.

Hey, honestly, we both know even joining a band like that would be a huge first step for you. 

One day at a time.

Good luck!

NO, no, noooooooooooo, nononono NO!

Do not listen to this anon! Move along everyone and only listen to me!

Everything is fine, don’t start thinking or questioning things… that’s how you know you’re really sick, see? 

Let’s all just watch some Honey Boo Boo until we’re excited about sweatpants and fried chicken! Come on!! :D

young-raven:

Wait what? Why..how…I was not aware that being goth was a disease.

Too few people are.

I can only vainly hope this was about me, and yes, I’m always taking patients.

WALK-INS WELCOME!!

FIRST OF ALL: I DO THE YELLING.

Secondly: I’m not a “fascist” just because I’m trying to force you all to dress, act, behave, and think the correct way. 

Don’t let the weight and mustache I put on recently confuse you. 

Lastly: You’re SO a Goth. Only Goths say they aren’t Goth (confusing but true). You need to start on a 7th Heaven Marathon, the latest trending insane workout program, and watch at least three Jeff Dunham standup specials. Throw out all your music and just listen to Call Me Maybe.

I hope you’re a joke.

Do not communicate with her as this would only create the problematic situation where you two might bond over shared passions for music, movies, fine art, literature, fashion, etc.

Is there an empty-headed office gossip who is consumed with making judgments about others from an unearned sense of superiority? Does she enjoy watching reality television without a drop of irony? Or does he make sweeping statements about people from countries he can’t locate on a labeled map?

Point the elder-recovered-Goth in their direction. Tell them she’s super shy and wants to go bar hopping with them this weekend and to that overpriced skanky club they love next weekend. If there is a jock among them, he should understand “No, thank you.” means “Try harder, big boy!” ;D

There may be hope for her sustained recovery yet. <3

Exactly! All these layers, choices, thinking, it will leave you so confused and blue! Dumb it down and life will be so much better.

I prescribe some motivational infotainment!