Perky: Elder I can't believe you came out to my party! I must say it's been so nice to see you out and about with Batcave lately in such -relatively- good spirits!
Elder: Yes, my writing has really suffered.
Batcave: I owp imada riiiidy cizshawn.
Elder: Oh, yes- here is some money to shop, drink and be merry underneath the looming shadow of the inexorable march of death.
Batcave: Ah, caw caw caw, shoo shawshaw!
Elder: Rrr, I mean... celebrate another year of your not-dying?
Perky: The envelope looks like a casket! Tee hee! ZOMBIE LINCOLN EMERGES FROM THE CRYPT! I love it! Thanks, guys!
Elder: Yes. Goodie. Gumdrops.
Perky: This is actually a Merry Unbirthday celebration for myself, and-
Elder: Oh fuck this. I'm going back to my basement. FOR THE LOVE OF JIZZBROWNIES WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT HAT ABOUT?!
Cyber: It's like the MadHatter... OF THE FUTURRRRE! With a train!
Elder: I hate your eyes and everything that has ever happened behind them.
Perky: Elder! There won't be any scene left for you to bitch about if you keep alienating everyone! Common, I got you some absinthe, yummy yummy!
Elder: I see the tequila behind your back, LIAR. I like all the Goths here. I don't like Rainbow Bright, because he is not Goth. If you could just, see yourself... out the back door...
Post-Punker: Can we really kick that Hot Topic-Chernobyl disaster out of here? I've had to resort to taking medication to even look at him without having an episode, and those pills make me taste yellow.
Cyber: I am too Goff Enuff! Who are you to say what Goth is?It's all subjective! Ian is wearing jeans and sneakers; how is that Gothic?
Elder: You failed to notice the Jesus and Mary Chain shirt or Laughing Mother's button on his jacket with the homemade Bride of Frankenstein stencil, because you aren't Goth.
Cyber: I thought those were clothing brands.
Everyone Else: ...
Cyber: Like they sell in Zumiez?
Elder: Sooo... I get that the idea of a person being Goff Enuff isn't black or even-darker-black, but it is a lot like classifying a species.
Romantic: Or a vampire. According to this book, Elder is a "day-walker".
Elder: An animal must have feathers to be a bird, but some dinosaurs are now known to have had feathers, and while they are related to birds, dinosaurs are still not birds themselves. Ian is like a dinosaur.
Post-Punker: I am not even 40 yet.
Elder: He's not a "Goth" but he's in our family, and so deeply connected to who we are at the root, it's nearly impossible to say where he stops and I begin.
Post-Punker: Thank you? I, uh, do have a girlfriend.
Elder: No you don't. Perky is like a a Penguin-
Perky: Yay! Cute!
Elder: Because she doesn't fly, she isn't acting like you would typically expect, but she still has all the essential attributes like feathers (listens to Gothic Rock/Death Rock/etc) a beak (has interest and knowledge about Gothic literature/art/film) and and even non-essential but common traits like webby feet (she's a creative intellectual). How she isn't depressed- I mean, can't fly, is beyond me. /whispers/ (i often think she's faking it).
Perky: Webby feet! Hee hee! I waddle!
Elder: Yes, dear. Batcave is like the Peacock with his unusually ostentatious appearence, and excessive preening.
Batcave: /looks up from mirror/ Gwar?
Babybat: I think you're loosing your metaphor.
Elder: Claudia, you're like a baby Robin who is learning to fly.
Babybat: Hey, why not a Crow learning to fly?
Romantic: Can I be a Raven?!
Elder: You guys, this isn't a game... oh fuck it. Yes, you're an inept crow and you're a Raven with a bust of Pallas to sit on and everything.
Cyber: So what kind of bird am I?
Perky: Nope, don't answer that. Let us play "pin the nail in the casket"!
Elder: You are the Nintendo GameCube.
Elder: You want to look futuristic but you look stupid while you confuse and frustrate people. Also, you are not a bird.
Cyber: So... you're saying, deep down...
Cyber: You really think...
Elder: You should die, yes.
Cyber: THAT I'M A ROBOT!
Elder: Oh my fuck. Give me that tequila you stupid curse of a human being.
Cyber: Yeeeah! Let's Mad Tea Party this bitch up; ROBOT STYLE!
Perky: Huzzah to that!
Elder: Only if there's beheadings afterward.