ROUND 2: Siouxsie VS Nick
What an intense match between a transient homeless man who sells black market pornography out of the trunk of his Camino, and legendary Goth Goddess- wait, that was Nick Cave?*- let me begin again.
What a surprising match we just saw between Post Punk scary man Nick Cave, and legendary Goth Goddess Siouxsie Sioux, dramatic before it even began!
The crowd went wild when Sioux came out beautifully adorned in various poisonous insects. As if he had somehow anticipated this outrageous move, once the two were in the ring, Cave immediately released the bats which annihilated Sioux’s bug defense.
Sioux clutched a single, broken, butterfly repeating, “What have you done to her?!” while Cave, carried away waving to all those beautiful people in the audience turned his back on his opponent and began yelling, “I am the king! I am the king!”
Meanwhile, the furious Sioux climbed to the rafters to jump from 17 floors and crashed into Nick Cave! Writhing, intertwined, Cave eventually broke free of her and hit Sioux on the head with a rock in his fist. He then pulled out a rose with his swollen hand, but as he knelt down to complete his pièce de résistance, SHE GETS UP FROM ALL FOURS!
Blood pouring down his gaping mouth she punched him, well, down where this ugly man seeks his sustenance. Cave somehow stumbled out of the ring as Sioux tried to regain her strength. Once out of the spotlight, he tried to pass for member of a birthday party watching the fight from high in the stands.
With time running out, Sioux found him hiding, she found him lying. She then grabbed him by the legs and threw him down the stairs!
Just when we assumed the tenacious Sioux had won this round, screams came from the announcer’s booth, “He’s crawling up my stairs, he’s coming to my room!” With a swollen eye and broken arm he pulled out the Colt 45 with great difficulty out his coat pocket, spilling his deck of cards.
As he struggled to get in position and take aim, Sioux, perhaps out of desperation, decided to say a spell. Tearing a microphone out of the hands of resigned onlooker, and upcoming fighter, Robert Smith she worked her Juju and left Cave spellbound.
Proclaiming, “Dust to rust, ashes to gashes” the victorious Sioux dropped the mic and left the arena to thunderous applause. Cave was wheeled out by attending medics repeating “rats in paradise” while foaming at the mouth. We still have not confirmed with Cave’s management whether this behaviour was indicative of a brain injury or just the way he chose to exit.
Stay tuned for ROUND 3: Robert VS Johnny
Previously: ROUND 1: Peter VS Rozz